Saturday, March 28, 2009

Too Skinny, Too Fat

My head is going to explode. People are too skinny or too fat, nobody is in between. Whatever.  It doesn't really matter, you know.   You hate yourself fat, you're going to hate yourself skinny.   Yes, it's that simple. Now you may want to know how not to hate yourself, that all depends. Worst case, you are a despicable low life, and should be hated. Best case, you just need a talking to from someone that you'd listen to.  Which may or may not be me. 

Friday, March 27, 2009


Everybody and their uncle is going crazy about money these days. And what can I tell you, if you don't have a roof over your head and food for your kids, cash looks good. Check that, cash is good.  But once you have that covered, what's to go crazy about?  Money stands in for other things, if you have the things, you don't need the money. Love? Free.Health? A matter of smarts, and luck, although extra dough might seem to buy you a few minutes here and there, don't be fooled. You don't get any more time than it takes for you to finish the work you're supposed to do on this earth. And nobody, not even me, knows what that is. Respect? You can get the respect of people who respect money. but that's it.  

Saturday, March 21, 2009


Things are tough these days, and if you have a job, you count your blessings, even if the job  is a PITA.  But let me tell you, even when times are good, jobs are jobs. That's why they pay people to do them. If it was all fun and games, you'd pay to do it.  So get a grip.  
I've been through plenty, let me tell you, and I've seen lots, crappy bosses, evil co-workers, cowards, cheats, blowhards, ninnies and crooks.  What can you do? You deal, that's what.   Work gets you through the week.  Which is not something to sneeze at. Because even if you hit the tri state powerball, you still have to get through the week, and in some ways it's harder, because you have to tell yourself what to do then, and that makes you your own boss, and you have to talk about yourself behind your back, and that's not that much fun. 

Friday, March 20, 2009

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Things My Father Said

My father, may he rest said a lot of things.
Here are a few

You can talk and talk and talk, but nothing gets done until someone picks up a wrench.

If bullsh## were production, we'd all be out of work

Chop chop, Count that day lost whose low descending sun sees from thy hand no worthy action done. (Ok he didn't make that up, but he said it A LOT)

You can't have two mechanics on a job. Someone has to be the helper.

All things being equal, I'm giving overtime to one of my own.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Lists, continued

If you have lists, it means you divide people up. For/against, good/bad, jerk/stand up guy, whatever. They aren't a good thing, in the big picture,people change, you can be wrong, or both. But in the short run, I can't do without mine. It helps the day run smooth to know where you stand. For example, if someone you annoy asks you for a favor, and you do it, you understand that they won't be grateful, and you don't have to waste time waiting to be thanked. In fact, you understand that they'll just be annoyed even more. So you can decide whether or not you want to do the favor, balance out the plus it puts in the favor bank vs. the minus of more annoyance on their part.

How you know you are a saint.

This is how you know you are a saint. You have no lists. That's that.

Monday, March 16, 2009

List of Lists

I realized the other day that I keep lists.    Here's a list of some of them

1. People I would give a kidney for, no questions asked
2. People who annoy me
3. People I know I annoy (Oddly not the same as #2, go figure)
4. People I don't respect
5. People I respect
6. People I would take on a treasure hunt
7. People I hear and obey
8.People who can do no wrong.
9. People I would throw under a bus
10. People who would throw me under the bus
11. People who have what I want
12. People who want what I have

And I bet there's more.

Friday, February 13, 2009

More on Threats

Listen up, I can't help it if this disturbs some of you, all this talk about threats. What can I tell you, the world is the world, if it was perfect, you'd be happy, but you wouldn't know it, because you can't know what happy is without sad. You'd just be. So leave me alone about it, it's not my fault.

Ok, so here's some rules.

1. Never make a threat that the threatenee thinks you don't have the nerve to carry out.
2. As much as possible make threats you know you won't have to carry out.
3. Follow through, only as a last resort. But don't half-a$$ it if you do. Nothing worse than that.
4. Learn how to threaten to threaten- that's the best. If people wish to avoid your threat to threaten, you're golden.

God bless, Donna

Thursday, February 12, 2009


Threats.   Not just anyone can make a threat.   Making threats is an art form. If you can't make a decent threat, you might as well put a sign on your head that says, DOORMAT.   I mean, really.   Now you're going to say, Madrone that's terrible. What if everyone went around making threats like you recommend. Wouldn't the world be awful?? with everyone going around and smacking each other down? To which I say, if you make a decent threat, you never have to lift a finger. A person who knows what they're doing makes life easy and simple.  It's the people who don't know what they are doing who end up with lawsuits and restraining orders.  

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

What is Respect-2

Ok so you still are wondering what respect is.  Let me put it this way. Here's an example of what it isn't. 
  My neighbor down the block was married to a real bachagaloop, my hand to god.  He would rage if the soup was too hot, he would rage if it was too cool, he would rage.   Every one stepped around him in fear, even the dog.   And the dog was big, with sharp teeth.  As far as we knew he never raised a hand, only his voice, but still.  He was mean. Hard as nails.  But he was  a good provider, so what could anyone say? A good provider who doesn't beat is not that easy to find.  He fell over one day, kapow, heart attack, and after we were all back from the cemetary, my neighbor announces  to us that she was going to take  the insurance money to take tango lessons.  And everyone applauded her.   

Monday, February 09, 2009

What is Respect-1

LOVE: will do ANYTHING for you 
FEAR: will do ANYTHING  for you
RESPECT: will do some things for you, and takes both the heat and the thanks in stride. 

Sunday, February 08, 2009

So what is Respect?

   So the question comes up, if respect is such a big deal, what exactly is it? How do I know if I have it, how do I know if I'm getting it.  Sometimes I am surprised at the questions I have to answer, but then I think, of course I have to answer them. That's why I'm the Madrone. If people knew these things without asking..well the truth is they DO know these things, but they don't believe it unless someone like me tells them.
So respect.  It isn't 100% love, and it isn't 100% fear, but it's a combo of the both mixed with admiration for  the integrity and spine of  some who has savvy.   There's actually a formula that goes like this
 Respect  =   L  [Ad(Int + Sp) + Sa]/F       Do the math.  

God bless, Donna

PS- Coming soon, examples for those of you who stunk at algebra

Saturday, February 07, 2009

What's the big deal?

Sometimes people come to me and say, Madrone, you always tell us what's a waste of our time, but when is something a big deal? This is a good question.  Here are some guidelines for knowing whether something should be a big deal in this life. Actually there is only one guideline. 

Does it get you respect from people you respect? If it does, then it's a big deal.

That's it. 
Now I may think the people you respect are a bunch of idiots, so it wouldn't be that big a deal to me, but you wouldn't care what I thought, most likely.  Now it's possible that you might respect people who think each other stunada, in that case, you probably need therapy, or write me a letter about it, it's cheaper.  

God bless, Donna


Friday, February 06, 2009

Reminder about the main rule

I just got through listening to some TV program where they interviewed the lady who had 8 kids at one whack, when she had six others running around at home.   It's not for me, that's for sure, but according to the rules of family, it's nobody's business but hers and whoever she's convinced to go along with her for the ride.  Now if she forgets where she leaves one, or decides to  make them work sewing machines in the basement to make fancy dresses for rich ladies who don't have kids of their own to sew, people might make a case for stepping in. But short of that, it's not anyone's place to   look down their noses at her, or make noises about who can do what.  


This goes for any mother, and any someones, especially if there are 14 of them at once. 

God Bless, Donna