Thursday, July 31, 2008


Say you  are in line for some paybacks- someone you trusted ratted you out, or stole you blind or otherwise took advantage of your good nature.  And you can't forgive. And you won't ignore.  Vengeance is out, because the rat in question doesn't want anything you have badly enough to make it worth the splash back.  So what's left? 
 Two things- You can forget it. OR you can fuggedaboudit.  
Here's the difference.  
Forgetting is you put it out of your mind. Like it never happened.  This is NOT, I repeat, NOT ignoring.  In order to ignore something, you have to know it's there, you just pretend it isn't.  Forgetting is erasing the incident completely from your mind.  

Fuggedaboudit is a combination of forgive, ignore and forget.  It's also a form of revenge.  Anyone who can do this is a person you want on your side in a street fight. 

Tomorrow, an example. 

Wednesday, July 30, 2008


So where were we? Yeah, you have a serious problem, someone backstabbed you. No way are you going to ignore. Ok then, good idea, you're gonna do something.
Vengeance: You can make them pay, which only works if you have something that they want. Example: My neighbor's ex husband, may he rest, was a good provider, (not much else) He left ALL, and I mean ALL, every last cent, to his first wife, left wives two, three and four (my neighbor) out without a pot. Now the three xes wanted payback, but what could they do? They didn't have anything he wanted. Warning- With vengeance, there is always a splash back.
Forgive: So should they forgive? Well in the case of the stiffed ex wives, they couldn't. Sounds pazzo, but forgiveness only works if you have something they want, too. Otherwise, it's something else, which we'll talk about tomorrow. Forgiveness is really nice, noble, but most people can't really do it. They only SAY they are, but what they are really doing is plastering on the guilt. And guilt is a waste of time.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008


 My cousin's aunt's sister in law  Nessie was betrayed by her own brother, Lando, who told their mother that she spent the holidays in the Bahamas with her in laws, instead of in the hospital.  The mother in question was a piece of work,  Nessie should have told her to her face, and taken the heat. BUT Lando  shouldn't have spilled the beans, that breaks the rule of rules.   What if Nessie just ignored her brother's backstabbing? 

This takes fortitude and attitude.  If you ignore in the right way, you aggravate everyone, because it's just like saying, whatever. Who cares about you?  If you do it the wrong way, you just look like a mealy mouthed doormat, inviting people to wipe their feet.  So it's dangerous.   If you are ignoring cause you are afraid of a fuss, believe me,
nothing fuss likes better than fear. 


Monday, July 28, 2008


Dear Betrayed,
   You wrote me with this question: How could I possibly hurt them as much as they've hurt me?  Many people ask me this all the time, for all sorts of reasons, not just the one you have.  And I answer, always the same thing=You can't.  It isn't to say that you can't hurt them, because you can do that, no problem, but not as much as they've hurt you, because the way it works is this= vengeance comes back at you.  It just does.  So add the hurt that they did to you + the splash back hurt from your vengeance, and it will always be that you hurt more.   
   The question you didn't ask, but I will answer, just on the off chance that you didn 't know you should have asked it, and might possibly be interested in the advice (which most likely you aren't, but even so, someone might) is this: What now?  
  There are four possibilities, 
A. Ignore
B. Respond
  • Forgiveness
  • Vengeance
C. Forget
D. Fuggedaboudit.

I will discuss these tomorrow.  God Bless, Donna