Friday, January 13, 2006

What I can do for you.

Sometimes people say to me Madrone, what do you offer that I can't get, say from my best friend, or even my worst enemy? Who died and left you boss? This is a good question, if by good you mean idiotic and question you mean insult. But I am a going to show you how much I love you and explain myself...this once.

The giving and getting of advice is either very simple or very complicated, depending. For example, you ask your best friend Santina whether the $400 number you want to wear to your cousin Magnolia's second wedding is the the right color. She can say yes or no. End of story, but not really. Because Magnolia is getting married to someone she must have had hiding under the bed, since the daisies have hardly had time to droop on the grave of her first husband. Now hubby number one was no prize, everyone knows this, but a reception for 300 at the Huntington Swan Club complete with open bar, cocktail hour and Venetian table is not generally part of the required year of mourning. So you might just want to know if the color is right, but only if you have the imagination of a stick, which does happen, but most likely you are also asking if you should attend at all, and if you do, how large should the envelope be. She however can say nothing except, you look fabulous, not everyone can carry off eggplant chiffon.

When Santina goes home, she will get on the phone with her sister Roselle, and tell Roselle that the dress, as great as the color is, makes you look like an elephant, and that Magnolia is in for it, as hubby number two is way too young and the inheritance from hubby number one is far too large to mean anything but trouble. But you'll never hear it , because Santina is not your blood relative and Magnolia is. Which is to say you would be aggravated the minute she starts telling you how to think about your own family

Here's what I can do for you...I will tell you what other people would tell you if they could, but they can't. What you do with it is your business.